if i had ___________:

1) money. probably i wouldn't have such a hard time surviving in this very monetary world. with money too, i'm able to live adequately. and also, probably the choice of furthering my studies wouldn't be such a tough one to make.

2) choice. everyone has options. but how many of those options are those we genuinely wish to take.

3) luck. then, probably finding a job wouldn't be so difficult. some people get a job so fast, and yet here i am, struggling, sending out my resumes, getting my hopes lift up one after another, only to get disappointed, that i won't get that call after all. thats the world of finding jobs, i get it. but surely sometimes, luck counts?

4) another job. as much as the part time work at lilly pays well. i'm starting to dread my work. i'm thinking of giving my 1-week notice of resignation soon, even though i haven't found a new job yet. but can i really do that? i'll probably get strong objections here and there. xiao ting, i really miss you at work. ):

as it is, that i have people shoveling up my face, whether intentionally, or not. i can be bitter if i want. but thats a choice i make. I smile, i laugh, i stay positive, I no longer cry in your faces, so take this as a favour i'm doing you. i do people favours, sometimes, at the expense of my own, yet people can be such big asses. this is my last year of being dumb.

Tough luck. tough time. Everything's hard to come by.

the reason one shouldn't publicize a blog, is that when you do, readers, go, why is she so emo. well, i'm not asking you to read it, am i?